The Unbecoming of James Potter
by jamespotter-died
Summary: James Potter has a great life, but what will happen when everything goes wrong? a/u.


A jet of green light flew past Lily as she ducked behind a wall. She pointed her wand around the corner and yelled, "_Stupefy_!"

Hoping the spell had hit her target, she looked around for an escape, quickly realising that there were only two options: she could run back the way she came – basically, suicide – or she could go into the open, where there were surely more Death Eaters.

She could hear the sound of footsteps coming her way so she ran, eating burgers and getting constipation. She then went to the doctor's and got tablets and a timetable. A week later she was raced to hospital and within hours she died of constipation.

"Wahhhhhhhhhhh!" cried James as her funeral was sorted.

James was so sad in the next few days that he started eating burgers and got constipation in a suicide attempt. He went to the doctor's and the doctor said he needed surgery to remove the burgers so he could survive. This made James sadder but a plan was brewing in his brain. He would stuff up the anesthetic and he would replace it with methylated spirits in a second attempt to die.

The day of the surgery came and James went to the hospital at 3:00 am with methylated spirits and poured it in the anesthetic container. He then went home. He came to the surgery and saw Sirius sitting in the waiting room. Sirius was there for surgery as well and he hadn't told James because he was always too depressed for conversation. James was called in for his surgery but he was not in the room that he expected.

An hour later James woke up in the hospital bed to see Remus and Peter around his bed. "What's wrong?" James asked.

"Sirius. He died in surgery," said Remus.

"How?" said James.

"Somehow his anesthetic was replaced with methylated spirits," Remus told him solemnly.

"What… Oh no…" James screamed.

Later that night, Remus walked into James and heard him talking to himself, "How could I do such a thing…"

The next day Remus and Peter left the apartment and looked up to see James screaming from the roof of the building, "I'm going to do it! I'm going to jump!" James leaped, and landed, breaking his leg. Peter and Remus raced James to hospital. James hadn't put his seatbelt on, and the car crashed, sending James through the windscreen and landing in the middle of the road breaking his other leg. He was then picked up by an ambulance and raced to hospital and was put on the stretcher bed. When they arrived at the hospital, James's stretcher rolled out of the ambulance, knocking out the paramedics and proceeding to smash his way through the hospital doors.

James banged down the corridors of the hospital as nurses and doctors rushed after him. As the stretcher rolled at an incredible speed, the wheel hit a chip in the tiled floor and James, along with the stretcher, was sent flying into a wall. James' arms were crushed between the wall and the stretcher and they broke in multiple places.

James screamed in pain and he passed out from shock.

James woke up in hospital once again. The doctors surrounded him and filled him in on all that had happened while he was unconscious. They told James that his friends were coming to visit him in minutes. James couldn't believe it. Three suicide attempts and they had only ended in his friend's death.

After the doctors left, Peter entered the room.

"Hi, James," he said, "Is there anything I can do for you? I mean you've been through a lot lately…"

"Yeah, there is something, actually… I dropped my pencil, and it rolled under the bed. Could you please get it?"

"Of course!"

Peter crawled under the bed, scanning for the missing pencil. Finding it, he grabbed it and went to stand up – but he bumped his head on the bottom of the stretcher, sending it crashing down on him. The poles and James crushed his skull, unfortunately killing him. Blood oozed from beneath the stretcher and James screeched, trying to get up, but he couldn't because he had broken legs. He stretched his arm for the emergency button, his fingers centimetres away from it. Then he passed out.

He woke up again. His arm was freshly cast. The doctor at his bed explained that he had re broken his arm, and that his friend Peter Pettigrew was dead.

"NOOOOO," James screamed, "NOT AGAIN!"

"… But, the good news is," the doctor announced, "you get to go home! Your friend Remus is here to walk you home."

"Oh, I suppose that's quite good," James said._ I can suicide easier there_, he thought.

Remus poked his head around the door and winked at James. "Ready to head home James?" asked Remus.

"All right," said James. The two boys went outside, Remus pushing James in a wheelchair, and waited to cross the road to their car. They heard a loud crash from behind them. "What was that?" said Remus, confused, letting go of the wheelchair sending James onto the road where a car was approaching fast. "Remus help!" yelled James. "JAMES!" Remus ran onto the road and pushed James off the road, the car saw Remus and put the brakes on just too late. James turned his head to see Remus being knocked over and flattened. The car rolled right over him, the driver partially realising it was too late and also not being able to stop his car. Remus flailed madly in his last breath. One arm managed to lodge itself in the car's back wheel. "NOOOOO! NOT REMUS!" Yelled James.

Two years later James faced his fiancé, Anastasia Flynn. "You may kiss the bride." Anastasia jumped onto James and they swayed slightly on the spot, it was the best feeling in James' life, it was strange but great, it felt like it was a lifetime and then they broke apart. They were clapped out of the ceremony. They walked down to the reception together and partied for hours and hours.

James was dancing and drinking a lot more than anyone else. The crowd was surprised at James; he had not been like this since before all the tragic deaths of his friends. He was changing between stages of partying crazily and bursts of intense crying. No one really knew what to do, James began to get drunker and drunker and he was out of control.

Someone stepped up finally and told James to calm down. James started loudly arguing at him and when the man wouldn't stop, James started punching him. Anastasia's father shouted and ran in between them, pushing them both back and away from each other. James, in his drunken state, stumbled backwards into the large wedding cake, which was being held by a table on wheels. The trolley rolled backwards with the force of James falling, right into the pool. James was completely submerged in the cake and he couldn't breathe or see anything. This, pared with his drunken state was what led him to his death.

James opened his eyes to see Lily standing over him.

"Lily!" yelled James.

"Good to see you too!" said Lily. She helped James up and Sirius, Peter and Remus were looking at him gravely.

"Hello, it's been two years since I've seen your faces," said James.

"Well, yeah," said Sirius, "We did die two years ago…"

"Because of you," said Peter.

"Oi!" said James, "I didn't do it on purpose!"

"Calm down, Pete," said Remus, "It's not like it's that great down there, anyway."

"Oh, yeah!" said Sirius, "We can fly up here! And, guess what – you don't grow old! I'll be young and good looking forever!"

"Yeah, that's great…" he looked over to Lily, who hadn't said much.

"I missed you, James," she said. Then they kissed.

**THE END**


End file.
